Mothers Supporting Mothers: Building a Community of Compassion and Understanding
Motherhood is one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences, filled with moments of exhaustion and exhilaration, stress and satisfaction, often all in the same day. As mothers navigate this intense journey, there’s one thing that should be prioritized: support from fellow mothers. Unfortunately, a competitive atmosphere can sometimes emerge, fueled by unrealistic expectations and self-imposed pressure. Instead of fostering collaboration, mothers often find themselves feeling inadequate, doubting their abilities, or comparing their experiences to others.
In this article, we’ll explore how mothers can create a more supportive, judgment-free environment for each other—because mothering is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor. By embracing understanding and empathy, we can help ease the mental load and build a stronger, more connected community of mothers.
Redefining Motherhood: Diverse Experiences and Perspectives
Motherhood means different things to different people, depending on their unique circumstances. For Liz Bovey, CEO and founder of Westside Montessori School, being a mother has allowed her to see life from new perspectives—especially as a mother of three boys, including twins. Similarly, Sarah Rosensweet, a Peaceful Parenting coach and mother of three older children, believes that at the core of motherhood lies connection, not perfection. Valerie Tih, an Enneagram parent educator and mother of two, including a child with Down syndrome, sees mothering as an opportunity for ultimate presentness, self-awareness, and modeling both strength and tenderness for her children.
While each of these women sees motherhood in different ways, they all agree on one point: it is a journey filled with paradoxes. From being flexible to firm, from witnessing constant change to finding moments of stillness, motherhood constantly challenges women to be both nurturing and resilient.
Managing the Mental Load: The Invisible Labor of Motherhood
Beyond the visible tasks of feeding, caring, and loving their children, mothers often carry an invisible mental load. This includes managing appointments, organizing school events, and keeping up with daily chores—all while trying to maintain some semblance of balance in their personal and professional lives. This relentless mental labor, which Tih describes as “depleting” and “resentful,” is often taken for granted and undervalued.
Bovey reflects on how, despite progress in the workforce, mothers still face a unique set of challenges when it comes to balancing the demands of work, home, and family. The pressure to “have it all together” can be overwhelming, and yet, this invisible work is frequently overlooked.
The Pressure of Expectations and Judgment
Motherhood is full of judgment—often harsh and unrelenting. Tih points out how mothers can face critical looks or shame when their children struggle in public. This judgment is especially pronounced for mothers of “extra” or “sensitive” children, including those with neurodivergence, who may experience meltdowns or struggles that others don’t always understand. Despite doing everything “right,” these mothers often find themselves blamed or scrutinized for their child’s behavior.
The societal pressure to “do it all” is even more pronounced in the age of social media. Bovey notes that mothers are often judged both for choosing to work outside the home and for opting to stay at home. Whether it’s the expectation of Pinterest-perfect lunches or Instagram-worthy family moments, the constant comparison fosters unnecessary pressure.
The Power of Support: Building a Non-Judgmental Community
The key to easing these pressures is creating a community of mothers who can truly support one another. Rosensweet emphasizes the importance of showing compassion, saying “I struggle too sometimes,” as a means of fostering connection. Tih advocates for listening without judgment, offering a comforting presence rather than unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just offering a shoulder to lean on or checking in on another mother can make all the difference.
When mothers band together and share the load, they create a network of understanding and camaraderie. Whether it’s lending a helping hand during daycare drop-offs or forming a mompreneur group, these small acts of support go a long way in alleviating the stresses of motherhood.
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Motherhood
Motherhood is diverse. Not all mothers arrive at this journey through the same path. Whether it’s adoption, fertility struggles, or the unique challenges of single motherhood, the path to motherhood varies widely. Tih emphasizes that recognizing and embracing the full spectrum of maternal identities—including those of queer, trans, single, and widowed mothers—is essential for building an inclusive and empathetic community.
Tih, who is a mother to a child with a disability, speaks to the importance of inclusion and belonging. By supporting each other in all of our different mothering journeys, we can foster a sense of community that goes beyond traditional family structures.
Letting Go of Comparisons: Creating a Judgment-Free Zone
One of the most harmful practices for mothers is comparison. Rosensweet reminds us that we can never truly know another mother’s struggles. Comparing our parenting styles or experiences to others often leads to feelings of inadequacy and discouragement. Tih emphasizes the importance of staying present with our own children and relationships, rather than focusing on what others are doing or how they are parenting.
For Bovey, comparison is “the thief of joy.” Instead of comparing, we should focus on our unique journeys and the strengths we bring to motherhood. Every mother is doing the best they can, and that looks different for everyone. Whether it’s taking a pause, offering support, or simply checking in with another mom, these small acts of kindness can help alleviate the pressures of motherhood.
Conclusion: Motherhood as a Collective Journey
Motherhood isn’t a competition—it’s a shared journey that benefits from the support of others. By being kind to ourselves and to each other, we can create a world where mothers are not judged but instead celebrated for the hard work, love, and care they give. Let’s prioritize building connections, offering empathy, and fostering a community where mothers can truly thrive.
In the end, the most important thing we can do for each other is to listen without judgment, support without comparison, and love without reservation. Because when mothers support mothers, everyone benefits.
